Humortråden

[hegtor]

Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The lady answers, "144."

"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "51."

Albert's face lights up as he exclaims, "So you're the one who rides the Harley parked out front!"

[RilleHD666]

[hegtor]

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

[NickeR]

[Lars Nilsson]

En kvinna har tagit med sig sin älskare hem under dagen, medan hennes man är på sitt arbete. Utan hennes vetskap har hennes nioårige son gömt sig i garderoben.
Hennes man kommer överraskande hem, så hon gömmer älskaren i garderoben, där den lille pojken redan är.

Pojken: - Det är mörkt här inne!!

Mannen: - Ja det är det.

Pojken: - Jag har en baseboll.

Mannen: - Det är ju bra!

Pojken: - Vill du köpa den?

Mannen: - Nej, tack.

Pojken: - Min pappa är utanför.

Mannen:- Hur mycket?

Pojken: - 2500:-

Mannen: - Ok.

Någon vecka senare, händer det igen att pojken och mammans älskare är i garderoben tillsammans.

Pojken:- Mörkt här inne.

Mannen: - Mmm.

Pojken: - Jag har en basebollhandske.

Mammans älskare minns förra gången och frågar:

- Hur mycket?

Pojken: - 7.500:-

Mannen: - Ok.

Några dagar senare säger pappan till pojken:

- Hämta handsken och basebollen så går vi ut kastar lite.

- Jag kan inte. Jag har sålt dom.

- För hur mycket då?

- 10.000:-

Pappan blir upprörd:

- Det är inte snällt att ta så hutlöst betalat av dina vänner. Det är många gånger mera än de kostar nya.

Du får följa med till kyrkan och bikta dig för prästen. Dom går till kyrkan och pappan placerar pojken i biktbåset, stänger dörren och sätter sig att vänta utanför.

Pojken säger: - Mörkt här inne.

Prästen: - Börja inte med den där skiten nu igen ...

[hegtor]

Arthur Davidson, of Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is this; you can hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God. "Hold on." God went to his Celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours...."!

[hegtor]

[Sanniz]

[hegtor]

Motorcycles are better than women because....

If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.

Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.

Motorcycles last longer.

Motorcycles don't have parents.

Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.

If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.

Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.

When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.

If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.

You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.

If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.

Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.

Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.

Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.

Motorcycles don't care if you are late.

It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.

If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

Motorcycles don't mind you wearing your boots while riding.

Motorcycles don't mind you leaving them with other strange motorcycles.

If your motorcycle isn't working, you can always borrow your friend's.

Your motorcycle doesn't complain when riding in the back of the truck.

Motorcycles are recyclable and ozone friendly.

Your motorcycle still looks the same after two beers.

When you get sick of your Motorcycle, you can sell it.

Motorcycles always trust you - no matter what.

You don't mind if others love your motorcycle, too.

You don't mind if others want to ride your motorcycle.

You don't have to pay alimony/child support to your ex-motorcycle.

When you spend money on your motorcycle to improve its looks, it works.

Motorcycles don't look any different in the morning.

Your motorcycle doesn't care if you leave the seat up.

If you throw enough money at a motorcycle you can eventually fix it.

[slycke]

Så sant hegtor

[bruttanbike]

Hahahaha! Långt att läsa men skratta fick man ju

[Sanniz]

Vågar du ta av korven?

[Sanniz]

[Sanniz]

[hegtor]

[alfg]

Ett lexikon så man förstår vad datanissarna pratar om – ord som man trodde att man visste vad de betydde …

Backup Ligga på mage
DVD det var det
E-post långsammare än både A-post och B-post
Fildelning en halv liter var
Laptop mössa på same
Modem motsats till ödem
SD-kort idolbild på Jimmy Åkesson
USB landet som kommer efter USA
Bluetooth hos den som ätit blåbär
Gränssnitt knivslagsmål i Tornedalen
Hemsida gavel på huset
Internminne anekdot från Kumla
Megahertz stor biluthyrningsfirma
Metataggar fiskekrokar
Moderkort bild på lilla mamma
Plattskärm när man suttit på kepsen
SMS som PMS, fast efteråt

[JohnnyRocker]

[Bikebandit]

[Bikebandit]

DEM DUM YANKS

[Sanniz]